January brings with it an abundance of fads and phases, of new mantras and challenges, shouts of ‘new year, new me’ that 2019 will ‘be my year’, the year of changes. There’s even the ’10 year challenge’ and puberty comparisons doing the rounds with various social media flooded with photos of then and now.
I understand that a new year seems like a fresh start and so the time to make changes and a time for reflection. For a lot of people that comes in the form of New Year’s Resolutions. Although seeing as most people break these ‘resolutions’ by the end of January, I’m not quite sure they work out all that well…
The other side of the coin this year has been reflecting on the past. I haven’t posted photos in the 10 year challenge, because I feel that I am the same. I’m sure that isn’t actually the case and I’ve grown in many ways and done lots with my life (University, Teaching Degree, living away from home, travelling etc.) I have been successful in many ways, but in others I feel the same. It is not a case of ‘New Year, New Me’ because I am fundamentally the same person as I was 10 years ago, just a little more mature (and the wrinkles are definitely starting to show!) and realistic. I am still overweight, still acne ridden, still not very social, still happy to spend my time indoors watching TV, but still wanting to do something with my life… Maybe this all plays a role in why I’ve found January so tough this year.
For me, I try to use the beginning of a new year to think of my goals for the year instead. As well as the little changes I’d like to make to try and better myself. For 2019 my primary one is health based. Focusing on diet and exercise, losing some weight, becoming healthier. I’m also trying to focus on my appearance in a good way by starting a new skincare routine.
Over the past few years I have also included travel based goals. This year I think I’d like to go on two or three holidays (small ones in Europe probably- I’ve already planned to visit Barcelona!) and maybe a UK getaway with a few friends.
But I also know that 2019 will be a year of change for me. I’m going to be starting a new job in a new city later in the year, which will also mean living completely on my own for the first time. So for this reason I haven’t set myself many goals because I know there will be a lot of ‘new’ for me this year, which is both challenging and exciting. But there’s still one massive goal I’ve been working on for years that I hope to finally start making some progress on this year.
What do I actually want from life?
It’s a broad question. And maybe one everyone struggles with on some level? But we never really talk about it and it makes me feel like I’m one of few people who are directionless, not sure what they want or what to aim for. This year my goal is to start making some progress on answering this question by looking at some of the smaller ones…
What are my career goals? Am I even in the right career and doing the right thing? Can I do it for another 40 years? Because I don’t think so….
Where do I want to be? Where am I going to make my ‘home’? Can I make friends there and build community? Will having my own space, my own home, be enough?
Do I want to be in a relationship? Should I start dating? Do I want to have kids? Do I want a family? What do I want to leave behind? What will my legacy be?
What do I love? What am I passionate about? What interests me?
Are there things I haven’t tried yet that I’ll love? Are there hobbies and activities I should get involved in? Should I go back to drama and choir as I loved them in School? Can I get dedicated to the gym?
Where in the World do I want to see? Am I content with solo holidays or should I be waiting to see them with friends and people I love? What experiences do I want to have around the World? What experiences am I missing out on?
Am I content with the way I live my life now? What changes do I need to make? Can I keep going to gigs or will there be a point where I’m ‘too old’? Am I lonely? How am I going to make the strong friendships that are missing in my life? What will happen if I don’t?